Hello here again.
I have always wanted this place to
be filled with nice pictures and everything. But I figured out it
wouldn't work out because it is just too much effort and I wouldn't have
the energy to maintain it.
I think it will be helpful if I start writing down how I felt and think regularly.
Because unlike most people, I cant organize my thoughts in my head and verbalize them.
Which is really bad because my mind is a big jumble of mess like the aftermath of a hurricane. Bits and pieces of everything everywhere.
And all this will just accumulate into a rubbish dump that will overwhelm me before I know it.
Well I can already feel the effects of it already.
Perhaps this might help me piece up things bit by bit even if it takes a long time.
Clear my mind and emotions.
Perhaps when I read back in the future, I will find myself foolish to the depths of hell.
People don't really listen to me anyway. And no one really gets the point.
But it's okay, I got my fingers to type and my own space here to release the negativity.
Guess it will be back to words again.
Friday, October 6, 2017
Thursday, October 5, 2017
What am I to do with you?
When you don't see the beauty with the mask on, I probably shouldn't expect you to like the one without.
Sometimes it feels like all of these are built on lust more than anything else.
I know one shouldn't expect others to read your mind.
But if it doesn't come out from the bottom of your heart or your own will should it be a lie, then there is no point anyway right?
When the confidence level have dropped to a new low and you helped lower it more.
I couldn't tell if you are just being really honest.
What am I to do with you?
Although I dont expect a future. But if there are none to imagine at all. What is the point?
Did I expect too much from you?
What am I to do with you?
Sometimes it feels like all of these are built on lust more than anything else.
I know one shouldn't expect others to read your mind.
But if it doesn't come out from the bottom of your heart or your own will should it be a lie, then there is no point anyway right?
When the confidence level have dropped to a new low and you helped lower it more.
I couldn't tell if you are just being really honest.
What am I to do with you?
Although I dont expect a future. But if there are none to imagine at all. What is the point?
Did I expect too much from you?
What am I to do with you?
Wednesday, September 27, 2017
Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder
So... I wasn't beautiful in your eyes...
What does it mean?
A lot.
Tuesday, August 2, 2016
The Dark Thoughts that Won't Go Away...
Hello there. Why is it that I only think of coming here when I am depressed. It's a mystery.
The dark voices and negatvitiy in my head are so overwhelming. I want to hurt myself so bad.
When was I this depressed previously? Probably quite some time ago. No one died or anything drastic happened. I just feel really out of control.
I have been breaking down at work abit too much. In fact I had such a bad episode lasr week I couldnt even continue working. Nothing happened. I am just a ticking time bomb waiting to explode anytime.
Maybe I am just too stressed out at work. The overwhelming loads of work I couldnt finish. The continuous phone calls. All the questions. All the deadlines. All the responsibilities.
I am so tired. My headache just wun go away. I just want to get away from all this shit. In a quiet place where I dun need to talk to anyone or answer anyone.
You know. Its an evil cycle. Breakingdown so often is just going to make me look weak to everyone.
I feel so detached from the world and everyone around me. Even those closest to me.
Feeling even more so today when no one cared if I can work when my back hurts so bad. I really yearn for at least some concern. But asked if I can go to class or go out with this back. Sorry thats the wrong answer. I am truly hurt. Like I am just a working tool and nothing else to you all. Of course I know that it is not the case but I am not functioning well enough to think properly.
Maybe its a wake up call. For me to not be too close to anyone. So that I wun be too sad if I am all alone in the future. Heck. I might not even be able to live that long when I am so mentally unstable.
My mind is so dark. My heart hurts so bad.
The dark voices and negatvitiy in my head are so overwhelming. I want to hurt myself so bad.
When was I this depressed previously? Probably quite some time ago. No one died or anything drastic happened. I just feel really out of control.
I have been breaking down at work abit too much. In fact I had such a bad episode lasr week I couldnt even continue working. Nothing happened. I am just a ticking time bomb waiting to explode anytime.
Maybe I am just too stressed out at work. The overwhelming loads of work I couldnt finish. The continuous phone calls. All the questions. All the deadlines. All the responsibilities.
I am so tired. My headache just wun go away. I just want to get away from all this shit. In a quiet place where I dun need to talk to anyone or answer anyone.
You know. Its an evil cycle. Breakingdown so often is just going to make me look weak to everyone.
I feel so detached from the world and everyone around me. Even those closest to me.
Feeling even more so today when no one cared if I can work when my back hurts so bad. I really yearn for at least some concern. But asked if I can go to class or go out with this back. Sorry thats the wrong answer. I am truly hurt. Like I am just a working tool and nothing else to you all. Of course I know that it is not the case but I am not functioning well enough to think properly.
Maybe its a wake up call. For me to not be too close to anyone. So that I wun be too sad if I am all alone in the future. Heck. I might not even be able to live that long when I am so mentally unstable.
My mind is so dark. My heart hurts so bad.
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Vanity Trove February 2013
Anyho~ Yay! Received my Vanity Trove for February 2013~~
Saturday, January 19, 2013
19 January 2013 - Dinner at Wrap & Roll (Vietnamese Food)
Dinner with the family at Wrap & Roll - Vietnamese Food.
Wrap & Roll Website: http://www.wrap-roll.com.sg/
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
New Year Countdown 2013 at Esplanade
And so the last 15 mins of 2012, we went to Esplanade for the New Year Countdown.
Initially we planned to go to our favorite "secret" spot last year at the Esplanade Rooftop. Apparently it is not so secret because it is closed. Being lost and unhappy I decided to ask for a reason. Someone booked the whole rooftop. Wah like seriously?!
And so we walked outside.
It was like raining the past few days so the grass are muddy and slightly drizzling...
It was also depressingly crowded and we are part of the crowd trying to look for a good spot. Which unfortunately din happen because the good spots are jammed.
We settled down at a more spacious spot and the following photos will explain why it is more spacious in the first place.
Initially we planned to go to our favorite "secret" spot last year at the Esplanade Rooftop. Apparently it is not so secret because it is closed. Being lost and unhappy I decided to ask for a reason. Someone booked the whole rooftop. Wah like seriously?!
And so we walked outside.
It was like raining the past few days so the grass are muddy and slightly drizzling...
It was also depressingly crowded and we are part of the crowd trying to look for a good spot. Which unfortunately din happen because the good spots are jammed.
We settled down at a more spacious spot and the following photos will explain why it is more spacious in the first place.
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