Hello there. Why is it that I only think of coming here when I am depressed. It's a mystery.
The dark voices and negatvitiy in my head are so overwhelming. I want to hurt myself so bad.
When was I this depressed previously? Probably quite some time ago. No one died or anything drastic happened. I just feel really out of control.
I have been breaking down at work abit too much. In fact I had such a bad episode lasr week I couldnt even continue working. Nothing happened. I am just a ticking time bomb waiting to explode anytime.
Maybe I am just too stressed out at work. The overwhelming loads of work I couldnt finish. The continuous phone calls. All the questions. All the deadlines. All the responsibilities.
I am so tired. My headache just wun go away. I just want to get away from all this shit. In a quiet place where I dun need to talk to anyone or answer anyone.
You know. Its an evil cycle. Breakingdown so often is just going to make me look weak to everyone.
I feel so detached from the world and everyone around me. Even those closest to me.
Feeling even more so today when no one cared if I can work when my back hurts so bad. I really yearn for at least some concern. But asked if I can go to class or go out with this back. Sorry thats the wrong answer. I am truly hurt. Like I am just a working tool and nothing else to you all. Of course I know that it is not the case but I am not functioning well enough to think properly.
Maybe its a wake up call. For me to not be too close to anyone. So that I wun be too sad if I am all alone in the future. Heck. I might not even be able to live that long when I am so mentally unstable.
My mind is so dark. My heart hurts so bad.
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